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#TogetherWeCan encourage people to talk

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A woman who experienced suicidal thoughts after leaving her husband is encouraging people not to be afraid of talking.

Julie Porter, 44, from Wigan, was in a 13-year relationship with her ex-husband who mentally abused her for years, bringing about feelings of worthlessness and depression.

Now, she’s backing Wigan Council’s #TogetherWeCan campaign to smash the stigma surrounding mental illness.

Five years ago, Julie found the courage to leave her toxic relationship, taking her two young daughters with her and looked forward to a fresh start.

But it took almost a year before Julie started feeling mentally strong again and she says she still feels the effects today: “I knew that I was depressed because it wasn’t in my personality to feel like everything was a chore or be so withdrawn and drained.

“I felt completely worthless as a person. I felt like a bad mum and was in a really fragile place mentally – even after I left. Things got worse before they got better and I started wondering whether life was worth living.

“I knew deep down I wouldn’t take my own life because I have my two girls and they have been my strength. It was still really hard to get over though and I can see how being in that place can be isolating.”

Shortly after leaving the family home, Julie spoke to her GP and was prescribed anti-depressants. She also received counselling to help her manage her thought process and understand a new way of thinking.

Julie continued: “It was actually a relief to receive medication. I was thankful that there was finally something to help me feel better. I also realised that after years of bottling up my depression and being tight-lipped about the abuse, talking and being open was key to recovery.”

But Julie was to take another hit in 2017 when her mum fell ill, which piled on even more pressure and led to Julie feeling like she was on the verge of a breakdown.

She said: “I was afraid to talk at first, I felt vulnerable and didn’t want people to know what I was going through but as soon as I did I felt comfortable talking to more people. I soon told my managers at work, who have been absolutely amazing in their support.”

In the last five years, Julie has learned to combat the symptoms that can lead to negative mental health by taking time out to self-care.

She said: “I know now that if I’m feeling stressed or things are building up, I need to take a step back and focus on what is important. I’ve even made a promise to myself that every year, I will take five days annual leave dedicated just to me and I’ll treat myself to a shopping day, I’ll go to the gym or take a walk round to the coffee shop.

“Focusing on my own wellbeing is the only way I can be there for others.”

Now, Julie is passionate about highlighting local support services and helping people spot the signs of negative mental health. She also believes that the more people talk about mental health, the more barriers will be broken down.

Professor Kate Ardern, director for public health at Wigan Council said: “Statistically, one in four people will experience a mental health condition in their lives, which means someone we know is likely fighting a battle we know nothing about.

“We’re extremely proud of people like Julie coming forward and telling their stories as it shows real courage and is a massive step forward in breaking down the stigma.

“Wigan Council is committed to raising awareness and we want to work with residents and services to illustrate that #TogetherWeCan really make a difference.”

For more information about the #TogetherWeCan campaign or for help and support, visit Mental health and wellbeing.

*Julie Porter’s name has been changed for anonymity reasons.

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